Jumaat, Mei 07, 2004

Dear you,

Didn't know what came over you today. Then I didn't know what came over me too.
Too much has happened between us, aite?
I regret saying half the things I said. What I said is true...but, there's no need to share it all with you. It's unfair to load it on you. I was coping just fine before this. Now what will you think of me when you see me again, if you ever see me again? (I still have this mild impression that you are not too keen on meeting me again, sorry). Am I now emotionally unstable? You'd probably start pitying me too. Oh no please don't...if it helps, please try to forget what I said. And never, ever bring it up again. Please. I beg you. Just don't look at me with pitiful eyes. Even if you do, I'd probably simply look away.
Maybe I am selfish. So I am. Maybe you're hurt. Maybe you're not. Maybe I haven't been thinking about your feelings. But when I try to...I just...Look, I am sorry. Can you give me more time? I'll try to erase every bad memories of us. Can you try too? Please? I did say please.
And while you trying, can you please try to stop telling me I am great? It's actually getting old.
By the way, how the hell do you think I could think that your life is boring? Don't you even know me anymore?
I am sorry. My friend, we will meet again.
But I hope you understand why I don't want to meet her. I am scared. I am terrified. And it bothers me that I am terrified. It makes me sick, and now I feel like crying, but I don't want to be crying! Perhaps you didn't realize how much I was broken inside, especially after that first meeting with her. Perhaps I didn't too. But with just a single phone call, I went berserk. Then I knew. Oh well, I can always lie. There's always that. Should I?
I just wanted to tell you about her. If I can't tell you, if you don't care, who else would?

Yours truly,
Me.

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My current favourite writer: Fiersa Besari. Sederhana, cerdas dan mengena. If you haven't read any of his works, you should. ...