Yesterday, another guard asked me kenapa sekarang selalu muram. Adakah mereka berdiskusi ttg saya in the guard house, I wonder. Then I realized, I have been faking it. The smiles, the laughter, it didn't come as easily as it used to. And those ppl noticed because I don't bother to put up my mask when I walk pass the guard house. When I am walking alone, I am me.
It's funny to realize that the last time I truly, truly smiled, was when he was around. Seems like he robbed my smile when he went away. Funny, because I know he didn't take my heart with him. I am not, in love with him. I do not spend nites imagining of how life with him would be like, because I do not want white picket fences with cats and kids running around, tak mo itu dgn dia. I love being with him, but I do not want to be with him. And I know, he doesn't want to be with me too.
So why, do I save his text messages in a special folder, and why, do I still smile when I read them?