Selasa, Jun 22, 2010

The Test of Time

Seperti malam-malam biasa, I just have to read a page or two to help me sleep. Last nite was no exception. Randomly picked up 'Dear John' from the shelves, a book by Nicolas Sparks, dreading its outcome. As it is, those who are familiar with his works must know, mana ada buku dia yang tak bikin air mata mengalir macam empangan pecah?? Atas alasan itu, this book has been put aside ever since I bought it some time ago, konon macam tunggu hari emosi paling stabil. Not.

I have never read any reviews, nor did I know that this book has been turned into a movie starring Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried until Shamam told me about it.

Dear John:
It was two weeks that would change their lives forever. Soon after John (Channing Tatum - Public Enemies, G.I. Joe) and Savannah (Amanda Seyfried - Mamma Mia, TV's “Big Love”) fall madly in love, their relationship is put on hold. With one leaving to complete his service, and the other to complete her college education, they pass the time by exchanging a continuous stream of love letters, until they can be reunited permanently a year later. But when war breaks out, their separation is extended indefinitely. Will their relationship survive the greatest test of all: the test of time?

So of all the books I could choose, it just had to be one with long-distance relationship in the plot, kan. Sigh. Just my luck. It wasn't long before the book starts to feel familiar, too familiar than I would have liked.

Those who have been in a long distance relationship would understand how it feels. Those who have never tried it, you'll say "oh I know how hard it is!" but no, you'll never quite fathom it. Of how you feel like split into two everytime he tells you about something happy that happened to him, partly so happy for him, partly so miserable because he could still be happy, even without you. Tak baik kan? Worst, if something bad were to happen to him, and all you could do is to ease his pain through the phone.

Ada satu part in the book that struck me to the core. It went like this,

"Usually I'd call her before dawn, as I always had - it was around midnight her time - and though I'd always been able to reach her in the past, more than once she wasn't home. Though I tried to convince myself she was out with friends or her parents, it was difficult to keep my thoughts from running wild. After hanging up the phone, I sometimes found myself imagining that she'd met another man she cared about. Sometimes I would call two or three more times in the next hour, growing angrier with every ring that went unanswered.

When she would finally answer, I could have asked her where she'd been, but I never did. Nor did she always volunteer the information. I know I made a mistake in keeping quiet, simply because I found it impossible to banish the question from my mind, even as I tried to focus on the conversation at hand. More often than not, I was tense on the phone, and her responses were tense as well. Too often our conversations were less a joyous exchange of affection than a rudimentary exchange of information. After hanging up, I always hater myself for the jealousy I'd been feeling, and I'd beat myself up for the next couple of days, promising I wouldn't let it happen again.

Other times, however, Savannah came across as exactly the same person I remembered, and I could tell how much she still cared for me. Throughout it all, I loved her as much as I always had, and I found myself aching for those simpler times in the past. I knew what was happening, of course. As we were drifting apart, I was becoming more desperate to save what we once had shared; like a vicious circle, however, my desperation made us drift apart even further."

So true.

If, in case, you're wondering, why am I still holding on, if it is so painful?

He's my soulmate. And not many people are lucky enough to find theirs. I just pray, for Allah to give us both strength to hold on, and to withstand this test of time. Aminn, aminn, aminn.

p/s: Love you, Kitt.

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